Tag Archives: society

FOMO doesn’t live here


I’m still thinking about the conversation I had yesterday with my buddy Bonginkosi Siphesihle Mthembu about growing up, success, aspirations and life in general. Its true, one decides how he wants to live his life, what he wants to achieve and what are his priorities.

My success and the next person’s will never be the same, we all want different things. So don’t define your success based on what society says. If you want to sit at home and read, take the taxi or train to work, have a job that doesn’t pay much but you are passionate about because it fulfils your every desire. Hey that’s your success.

Not everyone wants to be all glam in a mansion driving the latest model. To some people success is the simple things we tend to overlook. A lot of people have found themselves battling mental problems and financial ruin as a result of pursuing what society defines as success. As if this was lesson enough; more and more people find themselves battling FOMO because if it is not expensive, glamorous and super cool it is not a measure of success and your life sucks.

I find it quite ironic in a world where almost everyone is on about how unique they are, that its common for people to actually define success as having all the same same things and achievements that the next person has. Why ca’t success be defined by the individual, and in defining your own success why can’t you do that without being judged or being looked down upon because what you define as success is not what is the ” norm”?

So what is success to me? Give me love, a pile of books, music, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, clothes on my back, a healthy body and having made a difference in at least one person’s life. That’s all I want in life. It may come across as unambitious, but I am successful according to my own standards because I have all these things.

FOMO doesn’t live here

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Posted by on January 11, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Double Double


This has been on my mind lately and its giving me headaches: my brothers who are closeted and having to live a double life just to please society.

Of course, we all can’t be out of the closet.  But how do we strike the balance between being who you really are and at the same time having to live your life in a way that society expects you to. This includes being partaking in organised religion and having a wife and kids.

It is tough being gay in this day and age;  but imagine how challenging it is when you have to duck and dive, pretending you are heterosexual whereas you know very well that you are not being true to yourself and are actually lying to the people who think they know you.

This is a result of how society expects us as men to behave and live our live. I am a 38 years old man who by now according to societal expectations is supposed to be married to a woman and having two or more children )depending on personal choice of course). I really can’t imagine how my life would have been if I wasn’t open about my sexuality; I bet I would have been the most miserable person in the world.

Living your life according to what others expect of you must be very physically and mentally draining. Hiding things and constantly living in fear of being “discovered”, means you always have to be on alert.  That is not the way life was supposed to be live. I wish there was a way of making things easier. In an ideal world, no one would be judged by their sexual orientation nor expected to “come” out. We would all just live our lives and date whoever we are attracted to.

Honestly, my heart bleeds when I think of the people who are not in the same situation as I am where they can just be free to be who they are and live their lives as they please.

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Posted by on February 24, 2014 in Uncategorized


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